Merry Footballing Christmas!

Sir Alex Ferguson

I am a little fairy on tap o’ the Christ­mas Tree

It’s no’ a job I fancy

Well how would you like tae be me

A’ tar­ted up wi’ tinsel

It’s enough to mak ye boak

An a couple o’ jaggy branches

Rammed up the back o’ your frock

An’ these wee lights a’roon me

I canna get my sleep

An’ there’s the yearly visit

Fae Santa — Big fat creep!

On Christ­mas Day I’m stuck up here

While you’re a’ wirin’ in

An’ nae­body says “Hey you up there

Could you go a slug o’ gin?

It’s nae joke bein’ a fairy

The job’s bey­ond belief

You’ve got to go roon’ the weans’s beds

An’ lift their rot­ten teeth

But o’ a’ the jobs a fairy gets

An’ I’ve men­tioned only some

The very worst is sit­ting up a tree

Wi’ pine needles up yir bum

When a’ the fair­ies meet again

By the light of’ the sil­very moon

Ye can tell the Christ­mas fairies

They’re the wans that canna sit doon

The Christ­mas tree’s a bonny sight

As the fire­light softly flickers

But think o’ me I’m stuck up here

Wi’ needles in my knickers

So soon as Christ­mas time’s right by

An’ I stop bein’ sae full o’ cheer

I’ll get awa back tae Fairyland

An’ I’ll see yous a’ next year.

(Frances Dun­lop)